Ask the Staff
This is a biweekly column featuring real questions from KU students, answered by CAPS staff members. The questions were anonymously collected from students in various PRE 101 sections (Psychology in Research and Education Orientation Seminar) when they were asked, What is the one question you would most like to ask a counselor?
What are some things you can do to become unemotionally attached to someone?
This question is quite paradoxical and interesting. People become "attached"
to others because they do feel emotions. Emotions are the ties that bind all
people who feel connected. I'm taking this question to mean "how do I grieve
over the loss of someone I was connected to and loved"? Loss is very painful
and it takes time to manage the unbearable feelings that come with it. The good
news is that time is a wonderful healer because new memories, experiences, and
faces begin to take the place of the pain. So many times we as humans are quick
to escape the pain only to find ourselves in patterns that we never wanted to
be in and we end up having to learn painful but valuable lessons all over again.
I'm also reminded of the quote "it is better to have loved and lost than
to have never loved at all". Although this is not comforting when you are
in pain it is so true. I would say celebrate the relationships in your life
that bring you joy and seek out new relationships with others that are nurturing
and allow you to be a nurturing person. Also, don't be afraid to be alone and
value yourself with continuing to know who you are and what you bring to the
world around you.
Deana Williams, M.A.
Psychology Intern
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