Ask the Staff

This is a biweekly column featuring real questions from KU students, answered by CAPS staff members. The questions were anonymously collected from students in various PRE 101 sections (Psychology in Research and Education Orientation Seminar) when they were asked, What is the one question you would most like to ask a counselor?

Do you actually listen to your clients or do you just pretend?

This brings to mind the story I once heard of a psychologist who put blocks of wood under the back legs of his chair. This was to force him to lean forward to keep him from falling asleep. I don't know if this story was true or not. However, I can say for myself that even though I may have listening lapses in everyday life, when I am on the job I listen closely and attentively. The same hold true for all the counselors I know. If a counselor just pretends to listen he or she needs to get a new job. A counselor not listening is analogous to an auto mechanic not looking under the hood of the car or a dentist not looking at your teeth. Listening is essential to the counseling process. If you feel that your counselor is not listening, get yourself a new counselor.

One of the common myths about counseling is that all that the therapist does is sit there and listen. Nothing could be farther from the truth - listening is a very active process. Effective listening is a collaborative process between the client and therapist in which the client comes a a greater understanding of the factors that have contributed to the difficulty and potential solutions. This often involves the counselor asking questions to help the client look at things more completely or from a different perspective. When we feel stuck our thinking and perspective is usually restricted - it if difficult for us to see things being any other way.

A similar question which I am frequently asked is whether I get bored hearing people's problems day after day. Again, nothing could be further from the truth. It is a great priviledge to be trusted with personal information and be invited to work with the clients as they address important areas of their lives. There is a sense of excitment, for both client and therapist, when change occurs.

Response provided by John Wade, Ph.D.

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