Ask the Staff

This is a biweekly column featuring real questions from KU students, answered by CAPS staff members. The questions were anonymously collected from students in various PRE 101 sections (Psychology in Research and Education Orientation Seminar) when they were asked, What is the one question you would most like to ask a counselor?

What is the best way to treat a friend after a sexual assault?

The best way to treat a friend after a sexual assault is to listen and be there for him or her. A friend who has been sexually assaulted may experience many different feelings in a short amount of time. S/he may be scared, angry, or feel numb. As a friend, it is okay to ask if s/he wants you to call, or help him or her make a call, for help to a rape crisis center, hospital, health center, counselor or police. Despite what you think may need to happen, it is important for your friend to be able to feel some control in what will happen to him or her now. If your friend is not ready to contact the police, that is okay. Let your friend know that you are there to provide support and comfort. It is important to make sure your friend has proper medical attention and encourage him or her to do this regardless if the crime will be reported.

Keep in mind that sexual assault is a traumatic event for everyone involved. Again your friend may experience a range of feelings and emotions at different times. There is not a defined amount of time that goes by for the typical sexual assault victim to be "over it." Some will not have reactions for months or years and may never feel as if they are emotionally and spiritually healed. It is important to acknowledge and validate this for your friend and remember to not judge or dismiss his or her experience. Be careful to not say things that may place blame on your friend and add to his or her feelings of guilt. It is also important to be aware of how you are feeling and dealing with what has happened. Sometimes as helpers we feel scared, angry, or even disgusted by what has happened to our friend. These are normal reactions to such a traumatic event. In these instances, be open and honest about your feelings. You may feel like you need to talk to someone about the impact this event has had on you, and that is okay too. Remember, the best way to treat a friend that has been sexually assaulted is to be a good listener and help your friend feel safe.

For more information contact:

KU Public Safety Office: Emergency 911
Business 864-5572

Rape Victim Survivor Service : 24 hour services 785-843-8985

Women's Transitional Care Services, Inc.: 24 hour crisis line 843-3333

Emily Taylor Women's Resource Center: 864-3552

KU Counseling and Psychological Services: 864-2277

Watkins Health Center: 864-9500

Previous columns:

• Who has more problems, men or women?
• Do you actually listen to your clients or do you just pretend?
• Why do people just snap? Do I have a chance to just snap one day and do something I might regret?
• If someone confesses to a crime are you supposed to tell authorities?
• What can I do if my roommate is depressed all the time?
• What is the best way to help a friend who has been sexually assaulted?
• Can I be helped in only a few visits?
• What are some things you can do to become unemotionally attached to someone?